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  1. I died at 11:52am

    Sep 28, 2006

    Hello friends.
    I submitted this story for a story contest in my college. The caption was: “I died at 11:52am.” The word limit was 150 but I eschewed it, coz this story is itself a reward for me and nothing else matters. Results are yet to be declared.

    The Beginning of the end was when I returned to my Brother Edward’s home at the
    Lincoln Avenue of the University of Illinois. Amy (Edward’s daughter) was four then. Next day (25’Dec) was supposed to be a great day not only because it was Christmas but Amy would be turning five. Amy: The only reason why I stayed at my brother’s though I could have afforded a separate apartment for myself. There wasn’t a single moment when Amy would leave me alone. Amy couldn’t sleep anywhere except on my chest and I found it hard to sleep with someone on my chest. But again that’s how love is defined-Sacrifices without the feeling of sacrifice.
    That day I was returning home with a sample card of my engagement to Daisy. Daisy was a Christian girl of Indian origin. We met two years back at the university campus where Edward and Daisy’s dad were research colleagues. Amy saw me parking my car from the upper window and keeping her love for me in mind, there was no question she would stay over there. Full of excitement she started running downstairs and I too was in a hurry to gift her XL cocoa chocolate I had bought specially for her. I forgot that Amy was right at the low height entrance. I picked her with a thrust and her head collided heavily with the frame of the door. I sensed the wrong but then it was late. As the hands brought Amy’s face in front of mine, it had turned pale and her body was turning cold. I wanted to shout for her mother but it seemed as if something has chocked my throat. And this is the last thing I remember about me and Amy.
    When I regained my senses there was no use of regaining them. I found myself in the hospital bed. I overheard a doctor narrating the problem to Daisy.
    : “I m extremely sorry but Kevin’s (mine) brain has undergone a major stroke due to which his legs are paralyzed and also there’s malfunctioning of his speaking ability.-He’ll not be able to speak again.” Tears rolled down my cheeks. Felt like shouting out loud but couldn’t utter a single word. I was longing to know about Amy, hold her, and caress her. I glanced towards Edward who was sitting beside me. Sensing that I was asking about Amy he shook his head and tears rolled down his red swollen eyes, stating that Amy was no more.
    There was thud in my heart and the world seemed crestfallen. I wanted to jump right out of the window coz I can’t live without Amy.
    Then I heard Daisy crying and asking the doctor to save me. To her assurance doctor replied: “I m trying my level best and still there are chances that Kevin may survive, but to be fair enough he’s almost dead.”
    -ALMOST DEAD? Who’ll convince them that I died at 11:52 am itself when Amy was in my hands?
    Then a nurse injected me. Upon regaining consciousness I saw Daisy crying beside me. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was going to be a huge burden to everybody, that I had ruined my life and everybody else’s. Why not die, I thought miserably, and save everyone a lot of trouble? Daisy sensing me stopped weeping. And coming closer to me held my cold hand in hers and then she added the words which saved my life. “You are still you. And I love you.” I can’t drift away from things like this. I had to live, this was my credo now.
    A girl’s voice: Kevin!!!!
    Oh! It’s my four year daughter calling me inside to sleep. As it’s her sleeping –cum- story time I’ll have to move my wheel chair inside.
    So dear diary today I’m going to ask Daisy to narrate this story {incidence} to Amy -My daughter.

  2. Undefined Emotions

    Sep 25, 2006

    They are an group of children from the nearby slum area.
    When the clock strikes 5:30 pm they can be seen striding past my hostel, towards the academic block of my college.

    They have their own world which is difficult to express in their terms but in my terms it is: under-privileged, lacking sanitation & hygiene. In a broader sense: for them suffering and compromise has no meaning, its life itself.
    Few days back I was in hurry towards my hostel. Overtaking one such group I heard a voice from behind: “BHAIYA! AAP HUMEIN AB KYUN NAHIN PADHATE?” {Why have you left teaching us?-(Sense of the line, not the exact meaning)}. The voice had such an impact on me that I lost control of my thoughts and turned back. They all were gazing at me. Literally speaking, for a moment my mind was fixed on the question and I had the feeling of weightlessness {like the one we feel inside a lift}. I turned each and every grey cell of my mind but couldn’t get any satisfactory answer so I replied: “AB KOI AUR BHAIYA PADHATE HONGE.” {Now some other person might be teaching you}. From their expression it was clear that this was not the answer they expected. As I had some important work I moved forward.
    This incidence brought back the memories of days when I was member of the Team Literacy {A group of 20-30 engineering students who teach poor children}. It was two years back & now I’ve even forgot the name of my students {I taught fourth class}. One name which I still remember is Puju.
    Well Puju was a student from first standard but she never attended classes with her batch mates. She would either sit with her sister {who was in fourth standard} or she can be seen dozing somewhere. As soon as she was provided with any question, she would close her eyes and start dozing then and there. :). Only time span when she was active is that when chocolates are distributed to the students. - Very funny indeed. :)
    Due to various reasons I wasn’t able to continue my service into this mission after my third semester. But whenever I happen to come across through any such group of children, there’s a completely different feeling inside me & me searching an appropriate name for it.…….

  3. There were dreams dreamt together
    And suddenly there were no more dreams.

    Initially I didn’t missed you,
    May be my mind wasn’t ready to accept the hard truth.
    As the time moved on, my heart started longing for you,
    But you never turned up.

    Remember those nights spent laughing and times when you cried,
    That Laughing out loud on poor performance and feeling depressed for trifles.

    They say: you never miss someone when you love completely,
    But there are moments when I feel the void,
    Maybe I haven’t loved you completely.
    Now I m holding that love, but don’t know where to shed it.
    May be someday I’ll find you.

  4. Food for thoughts

    Sep 18, 2006

    Got late this time, was busy with exams and their aftershocks {marks:)}.
    In my previous post I shared about the change I’m experiencing in my reading habit. So thought why not encourage friends into reading!

    Let me start with a real incidence. Former U.S president Theodore Roosevelt found persons stealing his row boat. He followed them in other boat and finally caught them at the point of his gun . While returning back he was 60 kms away from his place.
    Now you might be wondering about: what makes this incidence worth quoting? Well in the meantime he covered 60 kms, he completed Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy. Isn’t it great?
    Normally a person is not much involved with literature (though he/she might have scored highest in college or school). But read we must. Read for fun, read for entertainment, read things which suite your taste and with passage of time you’ll realize that you read not only because books are men’s best friends but also because it’s food for soul {thoughts}.
    Once a great man handed his son a poetry book by T.S.Eliot with a complement: “with a great person in your pocket you’ll never be lone in life”.

    I would like to point out a problem which I faced in my initial days of reading as a hobby. Main problem is perplexity about what to read and what not? As per I feel, conventional novels like those of Sidney Sheldon are nothing but a mere time waste & all they give you in the end is 2-3 more words in your vocabulary. So don’t waste time on such craps.-I did and when I came across classics and good novels I thought why didn’t I read them earlier?

    Reader’s Digest defines a classic as a book which remained in print for a long time span. So if you think you have your own philosophy, start reading classics & philosophies. To name few:
    -Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy,
    My experiments with truth by Gandhi ji,
    Riot by Shashi Tharoor,
    War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy,
    Crime & Punishment by Dostoevsky,
    Hunch back of Notre dame by Victor Hugo

    One more thing I would like to point out is that many people view a novel as a mere story & read it as a story. A novel {good ones only} is much more than a story. Its imagination (universe) bounded between two covers. And if you feel that the novel at hand is a mere story, just drop that.
    So if you are not a regular reader, take a start and one day you’ll love yourself for loving books. Just be voracious reader and read what ever {relatively good} comes your way. Just discover the undiscovered horizons.

  5. A rational change

    Sep 5, 2006

    Books are men’s best friend.-truly said.
    Since the time immemorial, I’ve been highly attracted towards literature & to be precise enough books attract me more than anything else. During the initial period of this realm I was not much clear about what to read & what not to. As the time passed I adopted an approach: access all the newspapers & magazines and learn more about books (precisely bestsellers) & fetch the attractive one. Now having read more than two dozens of them, I feel a change in my attitude towards literature.

    Now the conventional fictional bestsellers do not attract me (recently tried 2-3 novels but my efforts were in vain). Now I feel an urge to read the everlasting literature (My current experiments are, Anna Karenin by Leo Nikolayevich Tolstoy, Crime & punishment by Dostoevsky).Now I feel that a conventional novel- depicting greed, betrayal, murder etc is a time waste. And here we have nothing to appreciate except than that the plot of the novel.
    I think that this new change is good & its open handedly welcomed.