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    Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
    Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

  1. Ghost Stories

    Nov 11, 2009

    26th January 2000, those five hundred students of a boarding school had no idea that lot was going to change in their lives that day. I was one of them.
    It was 9:30 in the morning and I was still in the bed, dreaming of candies & biscuits my friend has kept in his cupboard. And then I heard a voice: “You sleep monger RUN...., RUN FAST.”
    Half awake I started running out, only to realize later that it was an Earthquake.
    Yes, the deadly earthquake of Gujarat.


    Everything was in a huge mess. The buildings were damaged, after-shocks were felt every minute, few students lost their near and dear ones, and the final exams were nearing each day.
    One guy from my hostel who was known for his sincerity and honesty complained that he saw a lady ghost cladded in a white sari in the nearby ground at 12’O Clock midnight. As we were already in the trauma of the earthquake, we ignored his plea. Next day, he reported the same. This time we got really scared. And the matter was taken up with a head teacher who took the guy to a ‘TANTRIK BABA’. And finally the guy was declared of having a “KALA SAYA” of some lady ghost. Kala Saya of a white lady? we couldn’t digest the concept, so we decided to stay awake and witness the ghost ourselves.

    Equipped with hockey sticks and chains we waited for the clock to strike 12. As the time passed by the night kept getting darker and darker. Exactly at 12'O Clock the lady ghost appeared in the basketball court. Clutching the hockey sticks and stuff, we all ran out of the hostel. As soon as the ghost saw people approaching her, she started running the other way. We grabbed her and as she was about to get the first blow of the hockey stick, she shouted : “Hey, Please Stop, this is Varun from the Garuda hostel; remember I played black magician on the school annual day.” And we all laughed out loud.
    The next day, no ghost was seen on the ground. But it was heard of being seen in the Garuda hostel.

    Posted by: Sunil at 3:13 PM | Tags: , , , , , | 15 Comments | |

  2. Driving (non)Sense

    Nov 7, 2009

    Finally back after a long break. It was so much fun. Drove car for more than 1500 kms, visited college, had good time with friends. And all those nostalgic feelings.
    It is strange that:
    “When I was driving the car, I yelled at people walking down the street.
    When I was walking on the street, I yelled at people driving the cars.”

    Fast driving is so much fun, isn’t it?. It’s adrenaline rush, and the feeling of weightlessness? -it’s awesome. Driving at a high speed I wrongly overtook one car. By the time I realized my mistake, the car was left far behind. All that adrenaline rush feeling was over and I brought my car to a normal speed.

    After a few minutes, the same car sped past me and stopped right in front of my car. My gut feeling said that the things are going wrong. I was all alone and the road was empty too. Fear struck my heart and my stomach had that feeling -the one you get before an interview or a viva. A man double my size stepped out of the car and asked me to step out too. Things definitely were going wrong, mustering courage I stepped out.
    I could sense anger in that man’s eyes. But when I went near he asked politely(Maybe by my getup I appear an innocent person. Thanks to the Sarkari Naukari, now I hate formals no more): “Sir, your fast driving could have killed me”. I apologized, and since that day my speedometer hasn’t read more than 45km/h. After all, more than myself I don’t want to risk somebody else's life.

    Image curtsy: loritingey

    Posted by: Sunil at 3:02 PM | Tags: , , , , , , , | 12 Comments | |

  3. Happy Diwali

    Oct 17, 2009

    Happy Diwali to all my friends.

    May this Diwali bring happiness infinite to you. And also:


    » May your blog get huge popularity

    » May your posts get 1000's of comments

    » May your blog get loads of backlinks

    » May your blog get listed on the first page of Google search

    » May your blog get featured in the Time magazine

    » May you get featured in the every "Top Bloggers" list

    » May you start a blog - if you don't have one!

    And above all
    May you ever stay a happy & nice blogger, as you already are.

    Happy Diwali!

    Posted by: Sunil at 8:53 AM | Tags: , , , , , | 16 Comments | |

  4. The cop whistled at the black Alto and asked to stop.
    Knock, knock. "Roll down the windows you freak."
    The cop: License Please!
    Sorry sir, I don't have one.

    Cop: What?, Show the registration.
    Sorry Sir, but this is not my car.

    Cop: Fine!, Do you know what's the penalty for not carrying the papers?, 500 Bucks!.
    Sorry Sir, I'm a government servant, and have not got salary this month.

    Cop: OK then, pay me 200, without receipt.
    Sorry Sir, forgot my wallet at home.

    Cop: What the F***!, go off you bastard.
    Thank You Sir. But Sir.
    Cop: NOW WHAT?
    Sir I need your help.
    Cop: FOR WHAT?
    Sir, the car is running out of gas, could you please lend me 500 bucks?

    Posted by: Sunil at 12:19 AM | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments | |

  5. Football dreams

    Oct 6, 2009

    As a little kid I longed to be a football hero. I wanted to kick the ball like the big guys. At the age of ten, when I was sent to the hostel, I volunteered to join the class football team. We were a bunch of kids just excited about the game. Every evening I would excitedly put on my sneakers and run to the playing ground.

    For days I kept chasing the ball without getting a single chance to hit it. Every time the ball was passed on to me, my mind went blank and failed to make any decision. By the time my mind worked out something, some other guy would be handling the ball.
    Due to my inability to take quick decisions my team members lost faith in my game. At times they would shout names and make faces at me. Dejection set in, and a feeling of failure captured my heart. And I decided not to play the game ever again. Whenever asked, I termed football as a mere time waste.

    Now as a grown up I hardly find any leisure time but I still wish to kick the ball like those big guys someday. Encouragement is a big factor in a child's life, we all know this. But still, how many of us really encourage the kids around?.

    Posted by: Sunil at 3:31 PM | Tags: , , , , , , , | 6 Comments | |

  6. I am the Spiderman

    Oct 3, 2009

    I'm the Spider-man. I can fly past heavy buildings with the help of a rope. Whoa, I can climb huge buildings in a fraction of a second. But wait wait, Why have I turned so powerful?. Just because a spider bit me unknowingly?. This can't be true!.

    With the vermilion mark on my forehead and a short pony tale, I'm the Desi version of the spider-man. I have a wife too, and two kids. But they are perfectly normal. Maybe they are not lucky enough to be bitten by a spider. Yes, this is the shortcut to success; go to the nearby jungle, get bitten by the deadliest spider and get the celebrity status overnight.
    My eyes were close, and my back felt painful, maybe due to the war I just had with the goons. But wait, where is my wife? and the kids are missing too.

    I opened my eyes and a spider was dancing on my bed. I stretched my eyes in order to let more light pass through them. And two more little monsters were mocking me from the ceiling. I grabbed my missiles (water bottle, mug, shoes) and bullets (pen, pencils and the other stuff kept on the table) and smacked down those monsters.
    Yes!, I won the war, I'm the strongest. 

    Oh, I should sleep again now. This time peacefully, with no such wacky dream.

    Image Curtsey: Spyndle

    Posted by: Sunil at 2:23 PM | Tags: , , , , , , , | 5 Comments | |

  7. Tim Asks

    Sep 27, 2009

    In the retrospect I desired to be a famous cartoonist. My dreams got shattered the day my drawing teacher asked us to draw an elephant. I gave it my best shot. After putting much pressure on his right brain my drawing teacher named my sketch as Buffalo. I happily accepted the award of two beatings for the masterpiece. For I thought he named my cute elephant as Buffalo because my sketch was Untitled. It was my friend cum roommate who made me aware of the actual fact. Maybe it happened coz I never saw an real elephant. Or maybe I ignored the fact that an animal could have such a massive pipe like structure in place of the nose?.
    Well that was that.
    Recently I happened to stumble upon this great site named ToonDoo. It's an online tool for creating cartoons and animation. And here is my experiment (Though the joke is not my original).
    Tim Asks:

    Posted by: Sunil at 5:18 AM | Tags: , , , , , , | 8 Comments | |

  8. Ram and the Leela

    Sep 24, 2009

    RamAvatar a local electrician was to enact as Lord Hanuman in the village Ramleela. Though a man of weak physique, he did not settle for any other role. Everyone in the village, be it children or the ladies made fun of him and this was his only chance to prove something.
    His role for the first day of Ramleela was simple, he was to enter the stage with a dummy mountain in his hands and speak out "Jai Shree Ram"- his only dialogue for the day.
    But RamAvatar was a cleaver man, he thought, why not use some creativity and impress the villagers?.
    In the afternoon, he took a metallic plate and decorated it with electrical bulbs and wires, giving it the shape of a mountain, and placed it on the branch of a tree right above the Ramleela stage. He also tied a long rope to the branch. Upon his turn in the evening, he would light up the bulbs, hold the dummy mountain in one hand and the rope in the other and would climb down right into the middle of the stage and speak out his dialogue.
    Some guys from the village came to know about his plans for the day and they thought of fooling him. So they climbed the tree and short circuited his electrical decoration.


    In the evening when the villagers gathered for the Ramleela, RamAvatar climbed the tree and eagerly waited for his turn. The right moment came. He switched on the circuit and as soon as he lifted the dummy mountain he got a heavy electric shock and fell right in to the middle of the stage. Gathering courage he got up and screamed out loud: "Who the bloody hell did that?". And the entire audience broke into laughter.

    On the second day everyone was astonished, for some other man was portrayed as Hanuman. What about RamAvatar? Where was he?.
    The entire audience again broke into laughter when RamAvatar entered the stage as Goddess Sita.

    Posted by: Sunil at 3:10 PM | Tags: , , , , , , | 6 Comments | |

  9. Aaiye Sahab, Aaiye. Welcome to BookTroniks, we are one of the best book stores in Dilli. Myself Mr.Mishra, you can ask for any kind of book.
    That's interesting, I interrupted. Do you have a copy of "One hundred years of solitude" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez?
    Arey Sahab, Kya baat kar di aapne? Mere hote hue aapko foreign author ki book padhni pade?
    And he immediately handed me a copy of "My Spouse" by Dobha De.
    I was scanning through the pages and the chatter box started: Sahab, Dobha Ji kya likhti hain!. You won't get a better book on male-female relationship than this one.
    Upon this I asked: But Mishra Ji, I have heard that she had some problem with her first husband and she got divorced?
    Arey Sahab, Aap bhi kamaal karte hain? If she is a divorcee, that means she is quite experienced in this field?.
    Valid point. But I declined to go for it and asked,
    Mishra Ji, can you suggest me a good book?
    Mishra Ji to his helper: Arey chotu, go and get a copy of  "Kamasutra" from the top shelf.
    Me: Arey nahi nahin Mishra ji, you got me wrong. All I'm asking you is to recommend me a popular book. I mean a book which is much in demand.
    Mishra Ji: Arey Sahab, this book is never out of demand and you know we have only three copies left?.
    Me: Mishra Ji, try to understand, I'm not yet qualified enough to contribute to the India's population.
    Mishra Ji: Kya Sahab? When I was about your age, my third child was in the first standard.

    Mishra Ji was about to speak more but a lady entered the book stall and asked for a copy of "The monk who sold his TATA Safari".
    She was going through the index page and I interrupted, Excuse me madam, If you like fiction then I think there are much better options than this one. This book is more of a self help kind of stuff.
    The lady agreed and asked the shop owner: Mishra Ji, can you suggest me a Good Book?
    With the copy of "Kaamasutra" still in hands, Mishra Ji glanced towards me.
    And I immediately left the book store.......

    Posted by: Sunil at 5:14 PM | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments | |

  10. Monkeys are everywhere

    Sep 18, 2009

    Once a dog was passing through the jungle when he noticed a lion coming his way. He got scared, the lion may kill him. He noticed a bone lying on the ground and immediately turned his back towards the approaching lion. When the lion came very near, the dog yelled at the bone, "You bloody lion, you think you are the strongest of all the animals?, Now see you've become my delicious meal. And don't you dare forget the lesson."  Hearing this, the lion got scared, that the dog has already killed one lion, and he is strong, he may kill him too. So the lion backed off and started running into the woods.

    A monkey was watching this from the nearby tree and he thought why not approach the lion and narrate the actual fact?. Hearing this the lion would appreciate him and would never eat him. So the monkey ran for the lion.
    After a few minutes the dog saw the lion angrily running towards him followed by the monkey. He immediately realized the situation and again turned his back towards the lion and started yelling at the bone, "You know?, You could have not become my meal if you would have not followed the advise of the monkey. See now, he has gone to fetch another lion."
    The lion heard the dog, got scared, and again escaped the scene. The rest you can very well imagine.

    This story has a very strong message, "beware of the monkeys".
    These monkeys are everywhere, in the offices, colleges, social gatherings. All I wonder is that what do they really get out of all this?

    Posted by: Sunil at 3:01 PM | Tags: , , , , , , , | 7 Comments | |

  11. "Catch them young" is an old and a bit outdated adage, you realize this only when you are old enough, and an old man with a young catch? definitely there is some error in the code.

    There was an era when "Have a bike, have a girlfriend" was a major hit. But these days who doesn't have a bike? and guys seem to have learnt it the harder way. You and your friend follow a girl on bike & she hardly gives any Bhaav (Value). Her silence means "Guys, this is old fashioned, try something new."

    Every era has its style of love, firstly there was the era of Sacha Pyar (true love) where the girl's family would get her married to anyone except the guy of her choice. Then came the era of "Hogi Pyaar ki jeet" or we may say the era of "Love never dies". Here the girl would love against the family wish, only to realize later that the guy of her choice was not like what she thought of him and then she would decide to marry the guy her father had chosen for her, but at the very last moment she would realize that she was wrong, and that her lover was her love for life. We can also name it as era of Confusion.
    Next came the era of "Money hai toh honey hai", where the girl would love the rich guy and say blind no to the poor guy who was in love with her.

    We have been through so many eras and love has ever stayed love. But now the latest trend is that of "Sorry Bhai". That is look out for your best friends girlfriend and then just apologize to him. Now that the female ratio is declining at a very high rate, isn't it that we are left with very limited options?

    Posted by: Sunil at 3:56 PM | Tags: , , , , , , | 5 Comments | |

  12. Just imagine your death bed.  Your family, friends, office colleagues & relatives are attending your funeral. I mean, it may sound a bit strange but just imagine it for a moment. And also imagine the things for which you'll be hated even after you are dead.

    » Habit 1: The egoistic jerk (Wife's perspective)

    See his face, won't even smile on the death bed, such an egoist. O' God he is gone and the whole family is just a bunch of Morons, I can't adjust with them. I'll update my IndiMatrimony dot com profile, maybe I can get some hot hunk this time. After all, excluding Sundays & holidays I'm mere 26.

    » Habit 2: Married against my wish (Father's perspective)

    If he would have married Mr. Sharma's daughter he would have lived 100 more years. From the first day I knew that this lady is not good for him. Son of a fool. God, take good care of him and get him married to the girl of your choice because he is a complete idiot at that.

    » Habit 3: Bloody drunkard (Friend's perspective)

    No one could beat him in drinking, he was a big size Tanker. I know him since school days, whenever nervous, he would take two heavy pegs and face the situation. He even did this for the college Viva.  O' God, may his soul rest in peace and I promise I won't drink now onwards, unless un-till some friend insists. You know I'm poor at saying No.

    » Habit 4: Good for nothing (Colleague's perspective)

    All day he kept surfing the net. Now I'll have to clear his share of files. He he :), He didn't even knew that I got him transferred to this department. Anyways, he was good for nothing. Now that one more fool is less in my department I stand a chance of promotion.

    » Habit 5: Rahul was a better option (Girlfriend's perspective)

    I can't believe he is dead. Now who'll pay for the dresses I've ordered at the tailor's?. He denied everything I asked him, wife was always the first priority and look at her, bloody B***h, She can't even fake tears. O' god forgive me for the sin but I think Rahul will pay for the dresses, after all he is head over heals in love with me.

    » Habit 6: The Selfish Moron (Family pet's perspective)

    Everyone except him cared for me. The other day I tried to take a bite from his plate & the moron hit me hard with his leg. Bloody jerk! Even dogs have heart. He always wanted me out of this house. But at times he really took my side and yelled that "He was living a dogs life in this house" - the softer him. May his soul rest in peace.

    » Habit 7: _____ (Mother's perspective)

    A mother who hates her dead child? Such mother does not exist.

    Posted by: Sunil at 2:57 PM | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments | |

  13. 25 Revolutions

    Sep 6, 2009

    He is just an ordinary guy with ordinary dreams, that's it, No big deal.
    When young, he would curiously dream of becoming the BIG GUY. The one who is lavish in living & could marry the girl of his dreams. But nothing sort of that has actually happened till now.
    Life is such a ----- thing. Your desires are never fulfilled; maybe because you never actually stop desiring?.
    25 years have quietly passed by and the hairs on his head have started aging. Gosh! It is a complete lie that mirrors at times fake, Mirrors never fake!.

    With time friends are getting fewer and you realize this when your internet banking account is the first one to remind you of your Birthday; after all technology is getting more friendlier than human beings. After completing 25 revolutions around the sun, he just wish if life could be better than what it is?.

    Posted by: Sunil at 9:41 AM | Tags: , , , , , | 10 Comments | |

  14. 3 stages of cricket

    Aug 27, 2009

    » Introduction to Cricket
    I was tiny tot when my dad gifted me a cricket bat. O' how I loved this game of hitting the ball out of boundary every time it is thrown at you. In the initial days I would ask the bowler to throw only bouncers, no! not because I was learning the game but rather I feared my bat getting dirty. At times I would overhear Uncles discussing about "how foolishly Sachin Tendulkar played this or that shot". If I were adult at that time I would have definitely recommended all such Uncles to be the part of Indian team.

    » Interest in Cricket
    In the teenage days cricket seemed to be the second best thing to discuss (first obviously being Girls). Friends would celebrate India's win as if they got distinction in their board exams and cricket seemed the religion where the cricketers were demigods. From notebook covers to the T-shirt paintings the cricket fever never ceased to end.

    » The loss of libido
    Boredom is in the very nature of the living beings. Wives get bored with the husbands and the husbands with girlfriends. Initially cricket seemed a thing which could never get boring but the overdose of Viagra leads to the loss of libido. Few days back a friend was surprised for I didn't knew the name of an Indian player. It has been ages since I watched any cricket match or even read the sports section of a newspaper. It's not only the overdose responsible for the loss of interest but now I feel that irrespective of whether our team wins or loses, the players are getting rich with every match they play. And we just waste our valuable time watching the series whose outcome we are almost certain about.

    Posted by: Sunil at 2:47 AM | Tags: , , , , | 3 Comments | |

  15. Wife & Google

    Aug 20, 2009

    Mr. A: I lost my wife in the market today. I informed the police & searched everywhere but still couldn't know her whereabouts.

    Mr.B: Did you try Google Search?

    Posted by: Sunil at 12:41 PM | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments | |

  16. Every year the Nobel Committee declares the winners of Nobel Prize in October and the nominations are open till August end. Given a chance, this year I would like to make a nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize.

    Any guesses? No no, it's not the head of some Grammen Bank. One friend even suggested Rakhi Sawant? It's not Rakhi Sawant either, after all it's the issue of Nobel Prize. After marriage only Rakhi Sawant is at peace not the Junta.

    So this year my nominee for the Nobel Peace Prize would be the Government of India. No, No nuclear deal stuff here, our government truly deserves the award for "PEACEFULLY" handling the November 2008 Mumbai attack case. No bullets fired across the border, No high pitch demands made from Pakistan. Rather the Govt. has provided our guest Mr. Ajmal Amir kasab (the lone survivor terrorist) a celebrity status. Aren't these facts apt enough to nominate our beloved Govt. for the Nobel Peace Prize? If nominated they definitely stand a great chance here.

    Who is your nominee?

    Posted by: Sunil at 12:30 AM | Tags: , , , , | 0 Comments | |



  17. No Smoking Strictly Prohibited! OR No Smoking, Strictly Prohibited?

    Posted by: Sunil at 8:40 AM | Tags: , | 2 Comments | |

  18. Dear Bapu,
    I'm a fellow Indian born three decades after you left this world. After going through various books, articles & documentaries about you I feel that you were an ideal human being where your contribution towards Indian independence is exemplary itself.

    Being one of the most respected leader in the world it is apparent that people(specially we Indians) have deep affection for the things related to you. Recently some Mr.James Otis from California claims to have few of your belongings and has made them available for auction. Though Mr.James Otis seems to have fair intentions (James Otis: "My intent never was to create any sort of anger or animosity towards the auction, it was the opposite: to promote Gandhi's words, actions, and to promote nonviolence in any way we can.") the question that remains unanswered is: When your final will makes Navajivan trust as the legal heir of your belongings, how did Mr.James managed to get hold of them in the first place? And even if his claims are genuine, where were Indian govt. and the Navajivan trust all these days? What is the point in shouting out loud now?
    Though Mr.Vijay Mallya did a brave job by paying a sum of USD 1.8 million at the auction, Mr.James Otis now wants all these items back. And with your great grandson Mr.Tushar Gandhi entering the race the matter is definitely heading towards the worst.

    Where your belongings should be a matter of national pride, everyone is busy politicizing the event. With the complexity increasing day by day maybe I should write to Mr.Sanjay Dutt of the Munna Bhai fame, but right now he too is busy getting his political equations right.
    Your presence in this mess would greatly reinstate "Raghupati Raghav Rajaram..." in place of "Dekh Tere Sansar Ki Halat Kya Ho Gayi Bhagwaan.."

    Thank You,
    Your well wisher.

    Posted by: Sunil at 12:36 AM | Tags: , , , , | 6 Comments | |

  19. Last week while traveling in a local transport bus I found answer to the much sought-after question: Why doesn't India progress?

    This Mr.A was standing by the seat of some Mr.B.

    Mr.B to Mr.A: Hey! Get off my shoulders boss!. Don't take support of my seat, move somewhere else.

    Mr.A to Mr.B: (Frowning)

    What? What did you say?
    Boss! this is public transport OK?. You want me to buy a car? Well I can't afford that, so if you are worried about the comfort, you better travel by your own vehicle. . . .You can't expect everything here.
    It's because of people like you that India doesn't progress. It's you people who make India miserable. Few more like you and India will be a pathetic country.
    O Jesus! See where the world is heading in your absence please help these poor souls...


    Over hearing this conversation a smile followed my face, why not? after all I found answer to a question which bothered me for years.

    Posted by: Sunil at 1:27 PM | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments | |

  20. Bloody Orkut

    Mar 6, 2009

    Someday you log in to your Orkut account and find a friend request from some Mr./Miss. Stranger. At first you wonder how the hell-on earth people are left with much time and patience to search profiles and dig you out. You feel like declining the request and mind your own business but your instincts tell you to be fair and at least check out the profile of the request sender. You hit the profile link and find that you and Mr./Miss. stranger have many friends in common. Finally your curiosity level goes high and the "Sherlock Holmes" in you wants to explore more about him/her.

    You scrap(message) one of your known friends to enquire about this Mr./Miss. stranger and finally get the reply: “Don’t tell me that you don’t remember this guy, he is the one who kicked you hard in front of the whole school”. Or the reply is “Don’t you remember her? She is the one whose brother almost knocked your teeth out for fixing your eyes upon her.” -Boy! What the hack! You can’t even compliment a girl for her appealing looks… And I just hate this boyfriend/brother kind of fraternity for not being able to resist their girlfriend or sister being complemented by some other guy.
    Maybe most of the girls underestimate themselves.

    Hi! My name is Tim and I’m sixteen years old, probably that is sufficient for the time being. Something similar happened to me last week. All those memories came rushing back to my mind and I immediately accepted the friend request leaving back a scrap to the known stranger: “Hey buddy! How are you? Where are you these days man? You are barely recognizable; your appearance has changed completely. By the way how’s your sister? (Boy! I just deleted the last line before posting the scrap, after all a grown up male has more respect towards his teeth.)”.
    Now! I’m eagerly waiting for the reply. Maybe I’m too getting infected with this Orkut virus.

    Posted by: Sunil at 11:12 AM | Tags: , , , , , | 4 Comments | |